Tuesday, 02 June 2009
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A Social No-No in Western Society
This post is in response to lil_squirrel4ever's post titled "Is Calling Someone FAT a Social No-No?"
When it comes to weight changes, I think in Western society, people will say something positive like, "Wow, you've lost so much weight! You look great! How did you do it?" And there is a positive atmosphere. However, if the person gained weight, others will not comment. It's rude! It may cause a negative atmosphere and bitterness. People might make a remark later to a mutual friend though, that so-and-so has gained a lot of weight.
I lived in Hong Kong for one year as part of my study abroad exchange program in my 2nd year. It was a great experience, but sometimes the culture of people in Hong Kong made me so upset. I gained some weight while I was there. I think it had to do mostly with the fact that I didn't have a kitchen there, I ate out a lot, and being in a foreign country is stressful! However, many Hong Kong locals made (what I think are rude) comments about my weight gain! Even if it was only 5lbs, they would bluntly tell me, "You got fatter."
What am I supposed to say? "Uh... Thanks?"
They would say it in a very light manner. I don't think they meant to be rude or meant to hurt my feelings. They said it like it was a pure objective fact. And I think they expected me to continue on the conversation with them, but I found it so rude, that I would just frown and not say anything. Am I right for feeling pissed off?I had a lot of issues with my weight when I was a teenager. Today, I am finally starting to accept myself for who I am. I believe that loving and believing in yourself is so important. I think that if somebody has gained or lost a little weight, what does it matter? It is their body. None of your business. The most important things are:
Are they happy? Are they healthy?
This bunny doesn't look very happy!If somebody is so rude to you to comment on your weight (Asian or not Asian), you have my permission to sock 'em one in the face. Love yourself!
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Comments (21)
hey.. found your site on that yaeba thing with crooked teeth... but anyway i guess you do have the right to be angry...however i think it is because of the differences in both the asian and western society9not gonna explain more intot this). i'm sure they don't mean it in a harmful way like you said, maybe it might just be a way of being concerned about you, showing that they care eventhough it may sound wrong. cheer up~
In Asian societies, there is no No-No on commenting about someone's weight. In fact, if it is an elder who commented about it, the victim is expected to be very happy about it and replied that she will do something about it. Sheesh.
I remembered my guy colleagues were always teasing the well endowed girls constantly about their weight. And no one ever view these acts as a big No-No.
Asian societies are generally very harsh on women about their images :/
Usually people who gain weight around our age are people who started a relationship, being happy, and they gain weight...
I don't tell them they gain weight...
Just telling them "someone seems to be very 'hung fook'"
I'm from Hong Kong and I totally know what you're talking about ...!
The society is obsessed with weight loss... everyone goes on and one about how they need to lose weight.. but lots of them are underweight!
Yeah, so, u're right! We gotta love ourselves for what we look like :)
btw,
i love ur xanga entries
they are so inspirational :)
It is the cultural difference and an individual's acceptance, telling someone they've put on wight is like telling you you've got something in your hair ect, its actually for good intentions so a kinda 'thankyou' attitude is actually expected. HK people are really concerned on image(and very high standards that it may become extreme) but whether to do anything about it is up to you afterall :)
That's pretty funny that they casually point out people's weight gain. Â Among my group of friends, comments about weight gain are usually taboo and causes a little bit of tension to rise.
There are some of my friends who actually take it as a complement, but then again... those friends are either too skinny or they want to gain weight to make it easier to transform it into muscle.
I just don't appreciate it when anyone comments me about my weigh, be it gain or loss. Like when my grandparents or my parents say "you got fatter" the only thing I can say is "...thanks..i know..." and then I ask them not to say stuff like that because it makes me feel bad but then they're like "we're just being truthful. Only your family would tell you."
Blahhhhhhhhhh :(
Good post, though :D
@bluejv7 - are you referring to guys? coz it's definitely different for them! calling a guy skinny is not good. Lots of my guyfriends want to gain weight
@IllogicalPuppy - @ShokuMono - @marisa224 - Yea, I found it so difficult to understand how people expect me to feel happy when they comment on my weight. Wow, cultures are so different! Some asian elders believe that they are showing concern, while westerners would believe they are being mean.
@noree_n - Good for you for standing up for yourself and telling them how you felt when your grandparents said things like that. I should do that more... but I guess I just feel so embarrassed when it happens!
@lmflazyjai1984 - oh... "hung fook" :) I agree. I think when people are happy, they gain a little bit more weight
@patsy_choco - Thank you!! I feel so happy to hear that :) Are you still in Hong Kong now? I remember there were so many weight loss posters on the MTR. Especially this one of a singer named Janice who went from 120lb to 105lb. 120lb is a completely healthy weight!!! sigh. oh HK....
@lizzie_wizzie - yup... but I gained alot before... =*(
haha, yeah! HUGE!
@lizzie_wizzie - nope i'm studying in Australia right now! ... hmmm its funny coz im considered "large" in Hong Kong for a girl ... coz im tall and a bit fat (?! is that the word)... but now im kind of skinny coz im in a western country!! LOL ...!!! oh btw, hope i can be xanga friends with u !
@patsy_choco - haha I totally know what you mean about feeling big in HK and feeling really petite in Western country. Must feel nice to be in Australia! I just requested to add you as a friend! :)
I think it;s a western thing definetly O.o
I'm from Russia and I went back this summer... first thing I heard from my granmother's friend was "you got chubbier/fatter" haha -_-;;;
My mom says that westerners (or at least Canadians) are overly sensitive/touchy about everything, whereas for Russia (and asia maybe?) you are supposed to suck it up and face the truth =P Not sure how I feel abt that haha >.<
And by the way, your blog is awesome!
@muchtragedy - Thanks for letting me know this! I'm always so interested in other cultures. I should have majored in cultural studies or something. Unfortunately most people don't like to face the truth when it comes to weight.... ><
I used to live in HK and I still go back every year. I lost weight after freshman year, and when I went back all my relatives were really concerned, saying, Oh you look so skinny! Please, eat more! I think that if I gained weight, they would tell me that they're glad that I finally look healthy. And I'm not even a skinny person! Compared to HK girls, I'm above average. Even in the USA, I'd be considered average, I think. Perhaps when people in HK said that you got fat, they meant it as a good thing?
Hongkies are so obsessed with their weight and materials. I am so disappointed by the culture.
Its such a disgrace, seriously. Thats why I rarely go back since I came to Australia.
I hate the way the glace at you and judging ur outfit and body. Thats so lame.
Thank you! this post is great :]