Saturday, 29 August 2009
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What is the best REVENGE?
Recently, I found out that my ex is dating a new girl. And this happened very soon after I stopped picking up his calls and replying his e-mails. Do I feel jealous? Not necessarily. I guess that was my initial emotion, but then I quickly realized that this girl was just being used as a rebound. He was only using her to fill the devoid and emptiness that I left him. I didn't feel jealous, but I was still left with these two emotions:
ANGER and HURT.
I won't go into the details of my personal life, but my ex mentally abused and manipulated me after I tried to break-up with him. Thankfully, it was not physical abuse. But today I still feel just as scarred. I have trust issues because I feel like I can't believe in people anymore. How could somebody who said he loved you so quickly turn on you and threaten to destroy your life?
In the last few months, I have tried to do everything to forget him and save myself. I focused on work, on friends, and on this blog. I found yoga, which gave me temporary peace in my mind. I thought I was getting better and stronger, but when I found out that he was dating a new girl, I kind of fell apart again.
I started having thoughts of self-destruction. Anything that would help me forget, let me escape, and let me hide from the world. I don't know why I have these kinds of destructive thoughts when I am sad. I think about drugs and cigarettes. My appetite leaves me and I start fasting.
My feelings of anger made me want to find a way to destroy his life too. I am angry because I feel like HE gets to go on with his life with a free-pass. None of his friends know what an awful person he is. I wanted them all to know that he is less than human. But bad-mouthing about him to his friends would make me look immature.
I've heard that the best revenge is to live your life well, not stick a gun to his face. And this makes sense, but it's easier said than done. Each day seems so long and difficult. I feel like I'm alone. But then I realized that my ex tried to hurt and destroy me. If I do the same on myself, then I am letting him win.
I will not lose. I will not destroy myself.
And this is what I told myself before I cried myself to sleep:
Tomorrow, you will eat. You will exercise. You will feel good.
You will live your life well, treat yourself well, and be healthy.I will wake up again... and try to find happiness on my own. And it will be better than any rebound used to merely mask sadness temporarily.
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Comments (430)
All I can say is...
"The best revenge is massive success."
-Frank Sinatra
The best revenge is outright forgiveness.
@MagisterTom - I think I will need a little bit more time before I consider forgiveness! > <
I agree with the best revenge is to live a successful life. But it's hard to move on sometimes because it's difficult to take a person out of your mind when it affected your life so much. However, you were really strong to get yourself out of that relationship therefore, you're strong enough to forget about him. You're surrounded with good things in life, your loveones. Aim for your goals, learn from the past & not let it linger in your present ^_^.
truly inspirational!!! and im so happy you are doing better!!
you deserve so much better and be happy not for others but for yourself!!
You said it... The best revenge is to find happiness of your own. Once you've proven to yourself that you don't need him to feel complete, he will know it... and there's no better way to strike a person back than that.
Best of luck to you!
So sorry to hear your situation. I hope I can make you laugh on MSN to make you forget ...
..we learn alot of things, believe it or not, from our work regarding emotions and situations that may come up at work, ie. rumors, false accusations, lay offs, etc...and most work places might have the same type of emotional issues that come out of those situations...anger, joy, fear, back stabbing, isolation, etc. We go thru these HR relations classes...the whole group...we are told we'll go thru all the emotions of the wheel..each one of us has to find where he or she is.. and work thru with assistance if needed...some take longer, others not. I suggest you find where you are on that graph dealing with your feelings about this ex: up, down, anger, relief, questions, over it, then realize it's time to move forward, of course, at your own speed with time.....I'll be praying for you...Aloha..
live your life well
all these folks have nice ideas, but my suggestion is to take things too far, and get some ideas from:
Saw I/II/III/IV/V and upcoming VI
j/k
Living your life, that's some good advice.
no need to get upset or angry over a douchebag. but yeah, finding tranquility is easier said than done...
I'm going through the same thing at the moment, so I can clearly say:
I know exactly how you feel.
I hope...no, I KNOW we'll get through this. *hugs* Actually, at the end of all those tears and painful memories...I'm sure it's not that bad. Right?
i feel you. it makes me sad when people who loved you start hurting you. all my exes have done that to me :/ for a couple weeks, i feel really depressed but i learned to get over it knowing that being depressed won't solve anything. so i got up the next day and told myself something similar to what you said. it takes time but you will eventually heal. just stay patient :)
my father was emotional abusive to us, it took many many years to get over it till this day i still don't trust people.
i suggest therapy, you may have to keep going till you find a good therapist that you feel is right for you.
but for now everything that you are doing is right, take it day by day and just breathe!
also writing it out will help you sort thru the anger and pain, being lonely is part of the human condition. there isn't really anything you can do about that, just know that as humans we find comfort in others as a solace to the fact that we know that we are alone in life.
We may all start out running together but eventually we all end up on our own.
This journey is long, hard, painful, and lonely. Don't get sucked into the negitivity of it all. Just be.
@Laydii_LiZx3 - Thx for reminding me that I'm strong. We often forget this in the times that we falter! I felt so weak a few days ago. And I thought everyone's image of me being a strong person was false. I need to refocus and get back on track now!
@Changing_life5 - We all deserve better.. well.. mayb not him!
@katberg - Thx for your words and support~ I'll take whatever luck I can get!
@kachino - We really miss you here on Xanga! Come back sports guru. Derrick bought me a penguins hat to cheer me up! i forgot to tell you about that. I'm so cool now =D
@LastSamurai57 - i agree that it's important to be aware of and in touch with your emotions. That's what I try to sort through too. I try to think: "is it jealous, anger, sadness, etc."? When I do yoga, the word that I focus on is "happiness". I'll try to pursue that in life :) cheers!!
@jai_ko - haha! I really laughed outloud when I read your comment (u know how so many ppl lol, but they aren't literally laughing out loud?) Mine was a real lol. I've never seen Saw for the reason that I would have nightmares for the rest of my life. a 6th one coming out?! oh dear = =
@Mizz_Kiwee_225 - It's nice to know that I am not alone. Whatever doesn't kill us will make us stronger right? gotta fight!
@MomoLikesChoco - There's no such thing as a good or mutual break-up. When people say it was a smooth break-up.. I just can't believe them. That or they really didn't like each other very much aka the relationship was not really there at all in the first place anyway. What's with hurting the one you love? Can't we just wish them a good life? >
I think those feelings are normal when you first discover your ex is seeing someone else. That initial flush of anger swept up on me too.
Yes, keep living your life as best as you could without him, since he's now in your past. From what you wrote, you seem to be on that track already.
You will get through this and be happy :3 you are clearly a fighter and all i can say is dont give up and regret nothing!
video response - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qgKmJxnD3cE
or http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wNd_3QM3uG0
Live your life well and you will soon forget about this situation. Yes, easier said than done-- but please know that life is all about growing and giving, loving, learning...
I wish you the best of luck.
Life doesn't stop for us, so we do have to keep moving along no matter how much we want it to stand still. I can understand your anger and I hope you will overcome it. Best of luck <3Â
Being depressed won't get you anywhere. It's okay to feel mad or upset about it. It's okay to be frustrated and want to give up. Because those are perfectly normal things. Just remember that you're a strong individual and you won't sink to their level. Keep going <3
Been there in the past. I use my career as a catalyst for what I hope to achieve and I just remind myself that people like my ex don't want to see me happy and will hold me back. Just imagine yourself in 5 years and all the good you will achieve without this person and that you did this without anybody but yourself.